The alien invasion survival handbook

the long version

Have you ever experienced a sensation of missing time? Found a mysterious piece of metal in your body? Then, it's likely you're a victim of alien abduction, and you don't even know it. Yes, aliens are among us. While their true intentions are unknown, their actions are nefarious. It's your right – your civic responsibility – to learn how to protect yourself, your loved ones and ultimately your planet. Isn't it time you learned how to use your MP3 player to defend yourself from their paralyzing powers? Wouldn't you rest better knowing some proven hand-to-hand combat techniques guaranteed to stop an ET in its tracks? This handbook may be the only way to avoid total annihilation of the human race. Read it and join the resistance.