Tourists, Retirees, and Other Reasons to Stay in Bed

the long version

A compilation of weekly newspaper columns by humor writer Grimes. Topics include local color and personalities, love bugs, citrus fruit, tourists, weather, celebrities, and retirees. From the back cover: David Grimes' humor column runs three times a week in the Sarasota Herald Tribune and also appears occasionally in other papers around the world when they can't find anything better to fill the space. David began writing his humor column in 1985 when it became clear he had no talent for other, more useful, jobs at the paper. David knew he was going nowhere when his first story for the newspaper, a 1500 word "investigative" piece on a local adult bookstore, was trimmed to 50 words. He has been heavily edited ever since. Somehow the rumor got started that David has an anti-Canadian bias. Nothing could be further from the truth. During the course of a year, only a small fraction (22 percent) of David's columns make any reference whatsoever to Canadians, and many times his remarks are flattering, sympathetic, or, at the very least, nonlibelous. In fact, given the choice, he would much rather write nasty things about the French.